I’ve been cleaning up Sleepwalkers—some A/N’s were pretty personal—so I thought I’d move that giant note from the end of Chapter Eleven here.
.
.
.
Some would say that writing a note to explain what you’ve been trying to do in a story is a really, really bad sign. I can’t completely agree with that, though. I firmly believe that what you read, watch, listen to is whatever you make of it. I still remember my much younger, naive self suggesting that Byron’s Don Juan left his shoes behind on purpose, because he wanted (consciously or not) to get caught by Dona Julia’s husband. Oh, those were the days! But, as always, I digress… The point is that I’m not writing this to force you to see my story through my eyes. That would be about as far from my intention as it could be. It’s just that some of you posed really interesting questions and raised interesting points, and – as teachers always say – there may be others who have been wondering the same.
Now, forgive me that this is going to be more or less in bullet-point form. One of my Monday classes puts me in that frame of mind (and I am at school at the moment – see the post scriptum).
So… First off, several people thought that it was too early for Blair’s first time, given the circumstances.
I do agree that there are still issues between them – lack of communication is certainly the crucial one. I also hope, however, that I managed to show – not in the last chapter only – that Blair is madly in love. And I know that we don’t really get to see Chuck’s point of view, but I hope that his apology at least, if not the fact that he was just hanging out with Blair for months before he kissed her, shows that she is not just another girl to him. In fact, she’s not like any other girl to him. But back to Blair… She was ready to lose her virginity to him the night of the ball, even though he had not been able to tell her he was in love with her or to call her his girlfriend. She has always wanted her first time to be with someone she loves. She loves Chuck, and she is attracted to him like she’s never been attracted to anyone. Therefore, for me, it wasn’t too far-fetched that she wanted to kiss him – and more – once she saw him after good three weeks (if we don’t count the brief encounter in the courtyard). Besides, she is certain that Chuck loves her, too. Before the ball, she thought he loved her but for one reason or another he couldn’t tell her that. After what he said/didn’t say to her, she thought she had been wrong – or at least she didn’t want to believe someone who loves you can do something that terrible to you, although she had done something terrible to him too. Then, when he called her, when asked her not to play games with him after his apology, she was again certain he does have feelings for her. Either way, “no matter where it led to,” she decided her first time should finally happen.
As for Chuck, well… he’s a guy. Seriously, she was there, ready and willing, and he had been thinking about that for months. He had forgiven her for what she had done (I’ll come to that in just a moment), and she seemed to have forgiven him. So why not do it?
Okay… Chuck’s apology now. I thought it was important for him to apologize before he knew the truth about Blair and Nate. That’s why he said “no matter what happened.” After she told him, “You slept with [my best friend].” and he saw the video on Gossip Girl, I think he put two and two together (that is, linked that to her beyond strange behavior at the ball and her sudden interest in Nate) and realized why she had done what she had done. If anybody would understand her convoluted revenge, it would be him. They are both used to doing what they need to do “to win.” So, after trying to hide from everything (and sending Georgie to Connecticut), and after that little nudge from Blair on the New Year’s Eve, he decided it was high time he apologized. He had told her he didn’t want her anymore and compared her to “a sweaty old horse” when he knew she had self-confidence/respect issues (which was, of course, why he had told her that in the first place – to inflict maximal pain possible after she had hurt him), so I thought he would feel the need to tell her she actually never stopped being perfect in his eyes. (Even if he might consider himself utterly imperfect, for her and in general.)
Before I forget – yes, Blair was cold during the apology. When she’d told him to come home, she’d told herself she wouldn’t as much as talk to him when he came home. I think she is still amazed at the power he and the love she feels for him have over her. She would never have forgiven someone for humiliating her like that, and yet she has forgiven him.
As for Blair’s depression, so to say – Chuck wasn’t the only reason for it. Her friendship with Serena, which she believed was over, and her parents played big parts, too. The same goes for the realization that she was ready to sleep with Nate, a guy who loves her best friend and a guy she has no feelings for whatsoever. In my view, she has recognized all that and hasn’t blamed Chuck for everything.
As far as Chuck and his drinking at school are concerned, he wasn’t necessarily at school the entire time. I’d say Blair was right when she thought he’d at least skipped the last period. How would Chuck Bass apologize without some liquid courage, anyway? Sad but true.
Natie… was/is not exactly the first thing on Blair’s mind. She did promise she would tell Chuck the truth, though. I think that after she told Nate the truth, she thought the guys would smooth everything out themselves – like she and Serena had. At the party, she did ask Nate if everything was okay between him and Chuck, assuming that it was.
When it comes to Nate and Serena, it was only hinted that Serena isn’t really ready to commit and that her parents have a role in that. Right now, she’s trying to prove to herself that whatever she feels for Nate is not special, that it’s not love, as Nate seems to think. Love is too big a word for her at the moment. Once again, this has only be hinted at so far. Blair has been too absorbed in her own love life.
And… I think I covered all the major questions. There really were a lot of them, so I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job of showing all that in the actual story. I have been planning to address some of the issues later on, though. As for this note, I’m probably going to paste it to the end of Chapter Twelve when it’s done.
P. S. My Internet wasn’t working yesterday afternoon (and probably still isn’t… hopefully, it will get better before tonight’s episode). I wanted to post this, though, and this site is one of the few I for some reason can’t access on my phone, so I wrote/am writing it before my last class for today. (OMG, I’m really mental. ;)) I’m still going to reply to all your reviews, for which I am – as always – very grateful.
